Friday, April 25, 2008

2 Cakes To Rule Them All

addROC and I are now both officially ONE birthday away from landmark ages.

I turned 24 in early April, and addROC, or as I like to call him, Gramps, turned 29 just last night.

While I will, on occasion, search for crow's feet, I'm still far, far more concerned with birthday snacks.

There's nothing like celebrating with a big ol' birthday cake.
So this year, with both addROC and I clinging to our dear youths, as the ever-approaching, fat ol' round numbers edge closer, we decided that there is no time like the present to, as Marie Antoinette so fervently declared, "Let Them Eat Cake!!!"

addROC is the best. So, when I came home from work on my birthday I had this bad boy waiting for me!!! And, yes, it was a Funfetti Cake. It was awesome and mammoth. We ate it for days and days. It was glorious.

For addROC's birthday, I knew I had to make his favorite: Boston Creme Pie.

It was my maiden voyage with this cake, addROC's Mom provided me with the recipe that she used to make him every year, for every birthday.

I was intimidated. In the past, I have purchased said Boston Creme Pies at fine baking establishments. But, I did it, and it was reeeal good. Maybe not as good as his Mom's, but, I still get an A for effort. Right Gramps?

The Boston Creme Pie:

1. Make Cake.

2. Make Custard.

3. Combine Cake and Custard.

4. Drown Cake and Custard with Chocolate Glaze.

5. Feed the Birthday Boy!!! Happy Birthday addROC!!!

Frikkin' Yummy.

One Funfetti Cake. One Boston Creme Pie.
Two Cakes to Rule Them All

Happy Birthday!!!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary: Seed Starting

(Painting By: Maxfield Parrish)

Spring has sprung, Nesters, and there is no time like the present.

Even if you are living in the tiniest apartment in Brooklyn, there is no excuse not to do a bit of gardening. Even if you've got just one viable window.

Fortunately for us, addROC and I have a great little roof space. And, while it maybe not be the Ritz, this year, I've decided I am going to go crazy and attempt a ridiculous roof garden.

Here are the the first group of seeds that I've started:

1. The Scarlet O'Hara Morning Glory.
2. Wildflower Perennial Mix.
3. Wildflower Bluebonnet Mix.
4. Sweet Peas (the flower).

I am supremely stoked.

Even more so, because these pictures are from almost a week ago! There have been some serious developments to my tray of peat starters! I will update you very soon so you can see the sprouts and the new flowers and veggies we've started, right here in our own little Brooklyn kitchen.

Seeds are cheap. So, head to K-Mart and load up on flowers, edibles, and all the garden amenities that will make starting your Spring garden easy!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Freaking "To-Go" Box

For Thanksgiving this year, my mother asked me to bring dessert.
And, of course, I brought, like, 3 pies.
So, because I knew addROC and I would be traveling from our neck-of-the-woods to my folks place out in Bay Ridge, I went to the The Broadway Panhandler and invested in a set of Assemble-It-Yourself cardboard pastry boxes.

Obviously, Thanksgiving has come and gone. And, let me tell you something: No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get rid the these freakin' pastry boxes.

So, in a valiant effort to get the f#*kin' boxes out of my life, and into someone else's kitchen to take up inordinate amounts of truly invaluable space: I brought a cake to Reid's.

My Caramel Cake, inspired by the genius that is Smitten Kitchen, was a light, white, fluffy, delicious cake before it was corrupted by filthy, sticky, sweet and creamy caramel.

1. 100% Naked...and we think she's been working out. Lookin' reeeal good, Cake.

2. Caramel. Hot, hot Caramel.

3. Cake, Caramel, and a "To-Go" box. Classy and functional!


Do yourself a frikkin' favor.
Buy your "To-Go" Boxes on a need-to-need basis.
Heed my advice or be stuck with a shit load of boxes that have no apparent purpose other than to remind you of the food you're not making, and to deplete precious, precious cupboard space!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

The Muffin Man?

The Muffin Man.
Do You Know The Muffin Man,
Who Lives on Drury Lane?

Yes, actually, I do.
He invaded my apartment, raided my cabinets, and demanded that I make muffins. Lots of muffins.

It all started at the MET Supermarket in Greenpoint. Strawberries are on sale for $1.99. To me, this can only mean one thing, Spring! So, I snatched up my berries and high-tailed it to the check-out.

Upon returning to my apartment, there he sat, the little imp.
Yes, The Muffin Man.

And, I knew what to do.

1. Wash my Spring Cheap-O berries!

2. Dice berries and the use a Microplane to get the zest of one lemon.

3. Mix fruit into my versatile muffin batter-base, portion, and bake.

4. Devour.

5. Thank The Muffin Man for making a long trip from Drury Lane, creepy as he may be.

The Bitch's Strawberry-Lemon Muffins


2 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 cup milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 cup diced Strawberries
Zest of One Lemon

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Mix the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar in a large bowl. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients.
3. In a small bowl, beat egg. Stir in milk, oil, and lemon zest.
4. Pour wet ingredients into the well of the flour mixture. Mix quickly and lightly with a fork until moistened, but do not beat.
5. Fold in strawberries gently, until just incorporated.
6. Portion batter evenly into 12 muffin cups or a muffin tin.
7. Bake for 25 minutes, or until golden.

Monday, April 7, 2008

The New Man in My Life

First things first.
My apologies for being a terrible/horrible/horrendous blogger.
I have been busy as hell, and when I do find a free moment, I'm a total slacker.
So, for those of you who have checked this blog faithfully, I want to say thanks, and, sorry. I hope to be a little bit better about posting.

In other news, I want to talk about my new man.
Mr. Clean.

Sure, you've used his liquid cleaners. But, ask yourself:
Have I tried the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser yet?

If your answer was "No," you need to get real. Because you are working too hard to clean your shit.

My bathroom was in really bad shape.
And when I say really bad shape, I mean, there was shit growing in there that I was afraid would spore out and make new colonies in my hair, skin, and mouth.

Bathing loses that refreshing feeling when you step out of the shower feeling dirtier than when you stepped in.
So, when we invited friends, and their baby, over for dinner, it was time to get down to the nitty-gritty. After all, I didn't want to be responsible for infecting our friend's child with a wild-mold-spore disease.

I got the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and did practically nothing except wave it over the nasty film of my tub, sink, and shower walls. And, as if Jesus were there waving his hands over my bathroom, blessing its near-damned soul, it was clean.

Go buy the Magic Eraser.
Like the holy gift of the ATM, you will wonder how you functioned in society before this product existed.