'Mole! 'Mole!

No, not that kind of mole.

Actually, I'm talkin' about the Guac-a-mole!
And, lord, do I LOVE guacamole.
Nothing says summer like some ooey-gooey, green-guac-goodness.

So, I trotted out to purchase supplies:


No Mexican Summer party should be without the usual suspects:
Tomato, onion, avocado, cilantro, jalapeño, lemons, limes, chips, salsa, red beans, garlic, and most importantly, Tequila.


So, I chopped up the goods, like so:



And, stir!



So amazing. Especially after many Margaritas and even more shots of Tequila!

'Mole! 'Mole!

Eat, drink, and celebrate the arrival of this Bitch's favorite time of year! Summer!

Gifts From The Matriarch

My Mom rocks.

Her finger is always on the pulse of our kitchen because I blab, blab, blab to her all the live-long day about addROC's many adventures in the great culinary abyss.

I'm lucky, because, she's not one of those boyfriend-hater Moms.

In fact, knowing I'm with addROC gives her comfort. Not only because she knows I'm loved and taken care of, but, most importantly, because she knows I'm well fed!

So, when it's time to give gifts to addROC, she's always thinkin' about food.

So, for his b-day this year, she got him a set of Le Creuset Crock Bowls.

Um, Sweeeeeeet!!!

So, addROC took his gifts, and did what he does best, cook up some food!

Tonight's special?

French Onion Soup!

Holla! (And, thanks Ma!)

Ramp Me, Baby.

RAMPS RAMPS RAMPS.

All the live-long day.

Everyone who's anyone in the food community, and beyond, is talking about these wild leeks. Foodie friends, all the blogs, snooty and otherwise, it's insane. I had to know, what is soooo great about these little fuckers?

Why did I have to go to the Greenmarket in Union Square BEFORE work, just to make sure what seemed like Greenmarket contraband hadn't sold out? And, furthermore, WHY did I pay $6 for just two bushells? Eh? Eh?

Well, after much skepticism, I found out what the big frikkin' deal was with ramps.

They are delicious.

If I have to get up early to get the little buggers again, so help me God, I will.
It was a meal to remember, partly due to the mystery that was somehow solved, and partly due to addROC's superb execution. Which, will unfold below:

addROC Sautés Ramps and Prosciutto .



Then, adds pasta and a healthy amount of delicious Romano Cheese.



Plate and savor.



RAMPS. RAMPS. RAMPS.

I annoy addROC with my obnoxious ramp songs.

But, take my word for it, they're worth singing about.


Get up early, and shake your putootie over to the Greenmarket for New York's Culinary Contraband!!!

RAMPS!!!

2 Cakes To Rule Them All

addROC and I are now both officially ONE birthday away from landmark ages.

I turned 24 in early April, and addROC, or as I like to call him, Gramps, turned 29 just last night.

While I will, on occasion, search for crow's feet, I'm still far, far more concerned with birthday snacks.

There's nothing like celebrating with a big ol' birthday cake.
So this year, with both addROC and I clinging to our dear youths, as the ever-approaching, fat ol' round numbers edge closer, we decided that there is no time like the present to, as Marie Antoinette so fervently declared, "Let Them Eat Cake!!!"



addROC is the best. So, when I came home from work on my birthday I had this bad boy waiting for me!!! And, yes, it was a Funfetti Cake. It was awesome and mammoth. We ate it for days and days. It was glorious.

For addROC's birthday, I knew I had to make his favorite: Boston Creme Pie.

It was my maiden voyage with this cake, addROC's Mom provided me with the recipe that she used to make him every year, for every birthday.

I was intimidated. In the past, I have purchased said Boston Creme Pies at fine baking establishments. But, I did it, and it was reeeal good. Maybe not as good as his Mom's, but, I still get an A for effort. Right Gramps?

The Boston Creme Pie:

1. Make Cake.


2. Make Custard.


3. Combine Cake and Custard.


4. Drown Cake and Custard with Chocolate Glaze.


5. Feed the Birthday Boy!!! Happy Birthday addROC!!!


Frikkin' Yummy.

One Funfetti Cake. One Boston Creme Pie.
Two Cakes to Rule Them All.

Happy Birthday!!!

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary: Seed Starting

(Painting By: Maxfield Parrish)

Spring has sprung, Nesters, and there is no time like the present.

Even if you are living in the tiniest apartment in Brooklyn, there is no excuse not to do a bit of gardening. Even if you've got just one viable window.

Fortunately for us, addROC and I have a great little roof space. And, while it maybe not be the Ritz, this year, I've decided I am going to go crazy and attempt a ridiculous roof garden.

Here are the the first group of seeds that I've started:


1. The Scarlet O'Hara Morning Glory.
2. Wildflower Perennial Mix.
3. Wildflower Bluebonnet Mix.
4. Sweet Peas (the flower).


I am supremely stoked.

Even more so, because these pictures are from almost a week ago! There have been some serious developments to my tray of peat starters! I will update you very soon so you can see the sprouts and the new flowers and veggies we've started, right here in our own little Brooklyn kitchen.

Seeds are cheap. So, head to K-Mart and load up on flowers, edibles, and all the garden amenities that will make starting your Spring garden easy!

The Freaking "To-Go" Box

For Thanksgiving this year, my mother asked me to bring dessert.
And, of course, I brought, like, 3 pies.
So, because I knew addROC and I would be traveling from our neck-of-the-woods to my folks place out in Bay Ridge, I went to the The Broadway Panhandler and invested in a set of Assemble-It-Yourself cardboard pastry boxes.

Obviously, Thanksgiving has come and gone. And, let me tell you something: No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get rid the these freakin' pastry boxes.

So, in a valiant effort to get the f#*kin' boxes out of my life, and into someone else's kitchen to take up inordinate amounts of truly invaluable space: I brought a cake to Reid's.

My Caramel Cake, inspired by the genius that is Smitten Kitchen, was a light, white, fluffy, delicious cake before it was corrupted by filthy, sticky, sweet and creamy caramel.

1. 100% Naked...and we think she's been working out. Lookin' reeeal good, Cake.


2. Caramel. Hot, hot Caramel.


3. Cake, Caramel, and a "To-Go" box. Classy and functional!


SUPER HELPFUL TIP:
Do yourself a frikkin' favor.
Buy your "To-Go" Boxes on a need-to-need basis.
Heed my advice or be stuck with a shit load of boxes that have no apparent purpose other than to remind you of the food you're not making, and to deplete precious, precious cupboard space!

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

The Muffin Man?

The Muffin Man.
Do You Know The Muffin Man,
Who Lives on Drury Lane?

Yes, actually, I do.
He invaded my apartment, raided my cabinets, and demanded that I make muffins. Lots of muffins.

It all started at the MET Supermarket in Greenpoint. Strawberries are on sale for $1.99. To me, this can only mean one thing, Spring! So, I snatched up my berries and high-tailed it to the check-out.

Upon returning to my apartment, there he sat, the little imp.
Yes, The Muffin Man.

And, I knew what to do.

1. Wash my Spring Cheap-O berries!


2. Dice berries and the use a Microplane to get the zest of one lemon.


3. Mix fruit into my versatile muffin batter-base, portion, and bake.


4. Devour.


5. Thank The Muffin Man for making a long trip from Drury Lane, creepy as he may be.

The Bitch's Strawberry-Lemon Muffins

INGREDIENTS
2 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 cup milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 cup diced Strawberries
Zest of One Lemon

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Mix the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar in a large bowl. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients.
3. In a small bowl, beat egg. Stir in milk, oil, and lemon zest.
4. Pour wet ingredients into the well of the flour mixture. Mix quickly and lightly with a fork until moistened, but do not beat.
5. Fold in strawberries gently, until just incorporated.
6. Portion batter evenly into 12 muffin cups or a muffin tin.
7. Bake for 25 minutes, or until golden.

The New Man in My Life

First things first.
My apologies for being a terrible/horrible/horrendous blogger.
I have been busy as hell, and when I do find a free moment, I'm a total slacker.
So, for those of you who have checked this blog faithfully, I want to say thanks, and, sorry. I hope to be a little bit better about posting.

In other news, I want to talk about my new man.
Mr. Clean.

Sure, you've used his liquid cleaners. But, ask yourself:
Have I tried the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser yet?

If your answer was "No," you need to get real. Because you are working too hard to clean your shit.

My bathroom was in really bad shape.
And when I say really bad shape, I mean, there was shit growing in there that I was afraid would spore out and make new colonies in my hair, skin, and mouth.

Bathing loses that refreshing feeling when you step out of the shower feeling dirtier than when you stepped in.
So, when we invited friends, and their baby, over for dinner, it was time to get down to the nitty-gritty. After all, I didn't want to be responsible for infecting our friend's child with a wild-mold-spore disease.

I got the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and did practically nothing except wave it over the nasty film of my tub, sink, and shower walls. And, as if Jesus were there waving his hands over my bathroom, blessing its near-damned soul, it was clean.

Go buy the Magic Eraser.
Like the holy gift of the ATM, you will wonder how you functioned in society before this product existed.

St. Paddy's Day Celebrations

Hi-Ho Nesters!!!
I know it's been awhile, but, I'm back with a special, beef lover's, St. Patrick's Day Special!!!

Fun times started over the weekend.

My Irish blood was boiling, so we decided to make it a culinary celebration!

Saturday it was a traditional boiled Irish supper.

We got to boiling some Chuck Steak in the slow cooker with: Guinness, Peppercorns, and a few Bay Leaves...


Later we added Potatoes, Cabbage, and Carrots. Mmmm....

But, the best was saved for the actual night of St. Patrick's Day.
addROC made a ridiculous Guinness marinated steak.
Which was cooked to perfection.



Then, we moved on to a traditional Irish treat that is so delectable and delightful, that its consumption with a beverage like Guinness or Jameson is ABSOLUTELY necessary, and really, just plain common sense.

The One...The Only....


IRISH SODA BREAD!!!!

We ate, drank, and were oh-so-very-merry.
Just as St. Paddy would have wanted it himself.

Cheers to the Irish!
Erin Go Bragh!!!

Cast Iron Skillet Cornbread

My mother gave both addROC and I gift certificates to the hot new kitchen store in SoHo, Sur La Table.

Naturally, addROC and I went apeshit.

After going to the store twice, contemplating this and that, checking out the SILPATS and bar spoons...we got a few very choice items.

addROC's favorite: The Cast Iron Skillet.

While, at first, this little toy just reminded me of cowboy eggs and French people, I've found that I've become quite fond of this heavy-ass pan.

So, when addROC made chili, we had to make cornbread. Off I went, mixing up the dry ingredients, like so:


Then, the wet ingredients:


And then, POP, into the oven, pan and all!

So fun, right? A pan, that goes in the oven and doesn't melt?!
And, it produced this gem-of-a-hunk-of cornbread:


Holla!

Now, all's I need is to make cowboy eggs and to find some French people to enjoy them with me!

But, for now, cornbread will have to do.