Friday, June 29, 2007

Sobriety Checkpoint: The Fizzy

Thank the sweet lord! Summer has arrived and so too have the bitchin' drinks of the season.

Being a professional booze-hound, I find myself bored with the typical repertoire of summer treats. Yes, Margaritas and Mojitos can suck it. Save the labor for the fuckin' bartender.

When I'm at home, this Nester just wants to sit on her ass and vegetate. Easy is the name of the game.

The Fizzy is one bad ass beverage. You'll be thanking me all Summer long...


1 Bottle/Can San Pellegrino© ARANCIATA
1 1/2 Shots Vodka
5 Ice Cubes
1 Pint Glass

Combine and enjoy.

TIP: I recommend TANQUERAY© vodka, I think your taste buds will appreciate the upgrade and a large bottle won't break the bank. And, if you can't find San Pellegrino,© try Orangina.©

And, be prepared. If you live in an area like mine, where most of your Vodka retailers are Polish or Russian, expect to get the wonky eye for buying English Vodka.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Not-So Cool Cats

I fucking hate the winter, so, you won't hear me complain about the heat.

But, I will say this: It is fuckin' hot out there people. And, while I'll keep my bitching to a minimum, something must be done.

My apartment is becoming less like a nest and more like a fucking Easy-Bake Oven.©

After sleeping like shit, waking up in a pool of my own sweat, and consoling myself with a cold shower, I made the executive decision to go out and get a shitty-ass box fan.

I was surprised to find that, for $21, I was able to get a kick-ass box fan. God bless K-MART and her endless isles of cheap-ass crap.

If you are too proud or too poor to own an air conditioner, please, do yourself a $21 favor and get yourself a fucking box fan. It may not add to your decor, but, Jesus Christ, does it feel good when you sit down and drink yourself dumb after a hard day's work.

The Brooklyn Project

The Manhattan Project was a bunch of scientists who threw together a little ol' thing called the atom bomb.

In my apartment, it looks like my life and all my possessions were hit by the atom bomb.

So, out of necessity and strife, The Brooklyn Project was born.

If you're anything like me, you love cleanliness, but you fucking hate cleaning. The Brooklyn Project is a step-by-step guide for slowly taming the chaos that is your living space.

I'm going to fix this place up, bit by muthafuckin' bit.
Yes, in the next few weeks, learn how to make that mountain of shit, into a molehill of dookie.

And, you know how you "clean" the table by shoving all the shit on the table into a drawer that's already jam-packed with shit from the last time you "cleaned" the table?

Yeah, that's not what this is about.

So go buy some trash bags and a Swiffer©, bitches. It's cleanin' time.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Sobriety Checkpoint

Ok. So the thought of cleaning your apartment alone is enough to drive you to drink.

I'm with you.

But, in all seriousness, isn't there something nice about chillin' at home on a Sunday, watching Meet the Press, and drinking heavily as you realize that this country is, indeed, going to hell in a hand basket and our only hope for redemption is a bunch of half-assed politicians with more celebrity than credentials?

Well, take that gung-ho, "fuck y'all" attitude and put it to good use. Make yourself a strong drink and start nesting.

Our segment, Sobriety Checkpoint, is here to make some choice suggestions for your beverage enjoyment.

Don't be a docile domestic. Check in weekly for simple, yet tasty, drink recipes and drink reviews from our favorite, local watering holes.

The Nesting Begins...

Welcome bitches.

Here, at The Brooklyn Nester we are in hot pursuit of domestic bliss in the urban community of this big-ass borough, oh, and drinks, lots of drinks.

Living lavishly doesn't have to be complicated.
And Martha Stewart is on crack if she thinks I'm going to spend a whole day cleaning my apartment, baking gingersnaps, or adorning gifts with sprigs of rosemary and thyme, sober.

Life is a about pleasure and simplicity.

Make your home comfy and your drinks strong.

The Brooklyn Nester.